Are middle schoolers as scary as they seem? In this first episode of The Story Letter, we're at the starting line for this season all about personal stories: what they can do, why they matter, and how to tell them. We’ll talk about how a story can change both its listener AND its teller. And I’ll share a kind of lovely moment that I had with a fifth grader that showed me how powerful a personal story can be.
Are middle schoolers as scary as they seem? In this first episode of The Story Letter, we're at the starting line for this season all about personal stories: what they can do, why they matter, and how to tell them. We’ll talk about how a story can change both its listener AND its teller. And I’ll share a kind of lovely moment that I had with a fifth grader that showed me how powerful a personal story can be.
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Listen to "Altered," my story about Italy, mentioned in the episode, here.
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(00:01):
Okay, this feels like the first day of school, and that is my way of saying it is very exciting because I love school a lot. I am Micaela Blei, and welcome to the Story Letter, the podcast about telling better stories. I'm so glad you're here. First of all, if you don't already know me, I'm a veteran storyteller, I'm a story coach and an editor, and I've helped hundreds of storytellers get better at what they do. And I'm all about helping you tell your best stories. But not just good stories. Good stories in a way you feel great about. So this first season of The Story Letter, we're going to go through the arc of making a personal story to share, all the way from choosing a personal story from your life to sharing it if you want to with real people. We're going to talk about shortform, personal true stories, kind of like The Moth or Risk.
(00:54):
And today, to start us off, I want to talk about why personal stories even matter, and what they can do in a couple of different contexts, and why you might decide to come with us this season. One thing I get asked a lot is: what can I do with my story? People feel nervous about this, and I understand this exactly, because sometimes you've signed up for a workshop and your story is going to end up on a stage somewhere, and that's the purpose of it. You're there to end up on stage and that's great, but that's not everybody, and I'm not actually one of those carpenters who thinks every problem is a nail, right? So it's not always “go to a story slam and tell a five minute story to 200 people.” So you might be asking yourself, “Why would I want to know how to tell a personal story if I'm not going to get on stage and tell it?”
(01:38):
Because there's a couple ways I think about this. We tell stories for all kinds of reasons. Stories show up in all kinds of places. But telling a personal story the way that we're going to talk about this season gives you all the skills that you're going to need to do all those other things. So for example, you might want to use storytelling for impact of some kind. So you want to have an impact on your listener. You want to convince them to donate to a cause or fund your business or buy your shelves, which are very well designed, or you might want to show them that you're trustworthy. Trying to have an impact with a story is something we're really familiar with in business, but also in nonprofit and activism and honestly, job searching. “Tell me about yourself.” That's a question we get asked with some very high stakes.
(02:23):
A lot of the time, if we're in a second interview at a company that we've always dreamed of working at and they ask that question, we want to tell them a good answer. So going through and figuring out how to take an experience you've had and shape it into a story you feel comfortable and good sharing and into a story that's going to have the effect you want it to have? That's kind of a valuable thing. So that's the first one: having impact. The second one is: thinking about a personal story can actually help you sharpen your narrative skills in other places. You can apply these tools that we're going to talk about this season to every kind of storytelling genre. You might be thinking about a screenplay or a memoir or a retirement party toast, whatever you're working on. I'm hoping you'll find something here to use or reflect on.
(03:16):
So we're going to talk about things like how to get information across quickly, how to get us to imagine something, how to pace a story, how to trust yourself and your own voice. Those are the first two and then the final one: if you're figuring things out in your own life, a personal story can help you do that. The process of telling a story involves some very targeted reflection. We're going to talk about that also this season. And that can help you make sense of the way your life is going. I know that sounds like a very big claim, but it really does work. If you're going through any kind of transition, think about it. Telling stories about where you've been can help you clarify where you want to go next, or if you're trying to work out what a specific experience meant to you, how to make sense of it in the context of the rest of your life, you can try telling a story about it.
(04:06):
It gives you a frame for thinking about your life in new ways. Those are my main three I will say. And here's the thing I love about them, the impact, the narrative skills, the life reflection. Those are not mutually exclusive. They all help each other. So you might be coming in with a burning story you want to understand, but in the end, you're also going to be a better writer. Or you might be coming in thinking about your marketing emails and you might figure out what your second boyfriend really meant in the context of how you deal with boundaries. Very TikTok example, but you know what I'm saying. And all of that said, I also want to tell you, you don't actually have to listen to this season with a specific story of your own in mind. You belong here whether you want to tell a story or you're just interested in how great stories get told, because who knows? You might get inspired.
(05:01):
So that is the project of this season. We're going to tell personal stories, we're going to think of what stories we want to tell. We're going to figure out how to shape 'em. We're going to figure out what to do with them once we've got them. And you might be thinking, I have a feeling it's easy to think, “My story isn't interesting,” or “Why would anyone care?” It can feel a little navel-gazey to be telling a story about prom. Why does anyone want to know about prom? I have this so much. I have this a lot, and I've told stories in a lot of places. I've been telling stories for about 13 years now. I've had stories on This American Life and the Moth Radio Hour. My biggest sort of theater audience was 9,000 people in Austin, Texas for South by Southwest EDU. And I even wrote a memoir. But I get that wobble all the time. Why does someone need to hear my story? Number one, not everyone does, and that's completely fine. I'm reminding myself as much as I'm reminding you that's part of it. But number two, whenever I feel that way, I try to remind myself that it's not just that practicing a story can have an impact on my life because I'm reflecting or learning these skills. Our stories themselves can have impact on our listeners that we don't anticipate. So let me give you an example.
(06:24):
This one time I was invited to the Young Women's Leadership School in Brooklyn to share a story, and it was for International Day of the Girl, that's a worldwide holiday. And I will tell you, so I went to the symposium. I was not the most impressive person on that stage by a long shot. There were some really amazing women standing up and talking about their work and what it was like to be a woman in the countries they were from. And then I got up and I told this story about feeling like I was the ugliest one of my friends. I'm very normal looking, but I'm quite Jewish looking. And I had been friends with a lot of people who didn't look like me. And the story was about falling in love in Italy and this guy telling me, I wish you were more attractive.
(07:07):
And it was a rough experience and it can sometimes be a really impactful story to tell to young people because at the time of that story, I was not a kid. I was in my twenties. And kids seem to really like to hear stories about adults who don't have it figured out. So I had decided to tell this story. So I tell it, and by the way, it's not the most important story of my life. This is not the largest thing that's ever happened to me. It was eventful and sucked, but it's not the largest thing. So I tell this story and then I'm taking questions afterwards from all the young women and everyone's raising their hands: “Are you still friends with that guy?” Or “what happened to that guy?” Or “did you get a boyfriend after that guy?” They're really asking a lot of questions about the guy.
(07:54):
And this little girl in the front raises her hand, and you can tell from where she's sitting, she's probably in fifth grade because you go youngest to oldest. She's also very little. She raised her hand and she said, I have a question about when you were not feeling pretty in the beginning of your story, was it because you maybe didn't look like your friends and they all had a certain kind of hair, but you had a different kind of hair and that even if you tried to change your hair, it still didn't look exactly like their hair and they were really nice about it, but you could tell they were feeling sorry? Such a specific question.
(08:29):
So I had a big thought while she was asking the question, which was, no matter what, I am saying yes to her question, like, yes, this is exactly how I felt. And so she finishes her question and I said, yeah, that is exactly how I felt. That is the story. That's what happened. And I guess what I'm trying to say is there are a lot of reasons to tell stories. There are a lot of reasons people need to hear your, and then there's a lot of reasons you might be listening to this right now, and whatever reason that is, I'm glad you're here.
(09:07):
I think a lot of people feel like, what's the point of telling stories? There's so much imposter syndrome, and we tell ourselves, who cares? Who do you think you are? Why do you feel like you deserve the attention? But the thing is, the reason we listen to stories and the reason we tell them is kind of the same. We just want to know we're in good company with how we feel. And if you can tell a story and let someone else know they're not the only one, you have done a wonderful thing. So related to that, I also think it's worth saying you don't owe anyone a certain part of your life or a certain identity to make it a story worth listening to. It doesn't have to be the most tragic thing about you or the thing that people always know about you or the thing that people think of first.
(09:56):
It can be a small story and still have a ton of impact. And we're going to talk about that this season as well. Okay, so just so you know, this is how it's going to go. Every episode I'm going to talk about an idea in storytelling. I'm going to tell you a little story to sort of illustrate it, and then I'm going to have some final thoughts and give you a prompt for you to think about with your own stuff. Here's the prompt. I want to invite you to think about how you want to use The Story Letter. What are you coming in thinking about? Are you thinking of a specific situation where you might want to use a story? Do you want to learn a new skill and get better at other places where you use narrative? Do you want to figure out an experience or make sense of some part of your life?
(10:40):
So what are you bringing in so that you can know what you want to get out? That's it! We did our first episode together! I'm so excited that we did. So there are nine more episodes ahead of us, and next week we're going to talk about how to choose the story you want to tell. So stop what you're doing right now and subscribe wherever you're listening, so you can commit to getting better at storytelling for the next nine weeks with me. This episode was written and hosted by me, Micaela Blei. It was produced by Laura Boach, and theme music was the Duke of New York by Adrian D. Walther. I'm Micaela Blei and this has been the Story Letter podcast. I'm so glad we're doing this.
OUTTAKES:
First of all, if you don't already know me, I drink decaf. I am learning how to play piano, and I have never met a knitting project that I could complete. First of all, if you don't already know me, I am not vegan. But I recently discovered that I'm gluten insensitive. Okay? Okay. Okay. I feel so great because you know why? This is the worst episode. So if this one went well, we're going to nail it next time. The rest of it, if you look at the outline, it's like kind of kick ass.